


No Copyright Infringement Intended

by Allons_y



Category: Fandom - Fandom
Genre: Crack, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Metafiction, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Screenplay/Script Format, Soulmate AU, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 16:40:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6122791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allons_y/pseuds/Allons_y
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This script was written for Earlham College's 24 Hour Theater Project.<br/>The prompts were: "I can make the bad guys good for the weekend,"  the sound effect prompt was, "Boing," and the prop prompt was: "A Flower".<br/>I wrote it with Destiel in mind, but do with it what thou will. Free use, have fun kids.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Copyright Infringement Intended

Person: (running out on stage, spoken quickly) Strong language. Fluff. Plot/What Plot? First Time. Soulmate AU. Crack. Sorry, I don’t know where this even came from! These two idiots aren’t mine, I’m just fucking with them. No copyright infringement intended. (exits)

(Characters rush on stage like they are going raid a place)

A: Okay, are you ready to do this?  
B: (stares)  
A: Dude, what?  
B: Nothing. Yeah, let's go.  
A: Are you okay?  
B: It’s just... your eyes are…

(Both characters drop their arms - distracted)

A: What?  
B: Your eyes are like distinctly emerald.  
A: (confused) What?  
B: (produces flower from back pocket) ...with flecks of gold.  
A: What the fuck are you talking about? Where did that come from?  
B: (throwing flower, confused) I don’t...  
A: Who talks like that? Who gives a fuck that my eyes are green?  
B: (insistently) Emerald.  
A: (mildly angry) What?  
B: (wistfully) With flecks of golden hazel.  
A: (firmly-not aggressively) Shut the fuck up.  
B: Sorry.  
A: That is SO fucking irrelevant.  
B: …  
A: …  
B: (teasingly) Why do you keep staring at my mouth?  
A: I don’t…  
B: You do - and your pupils expand.  
A: (exasperated) Okay, wait, there is no fucking way you can see the expansion of  
my pupils!  
B: …  
A: (gestures vaguely toward the direction they were running) Can we just get on  
with this? Please?  
B: Yeah yeah fine. What were we doing?  
A: ...Something terribly domestic?  
B: Cooking breakfast?  
A: Yeah… yeah that was it.  
B: I thought we were going somewhere? Aren’t we usually, you know, doing  
something?  
A: Well, we gotta eat sometime right.  
B: … I like my eggs over easy and my coffee sickeningly sweet.  
A: What?  
B: You take your coffee black.  
A: ...I don’t…  
B: You don’t allow yourself the comfort of sweetness cause your father-  
A: Shut the fuck up!  
B: ….  
A: Why would say those things…  
B: ...Also you’re secretly obsessed with Taylor Swift.  
A: Excuse me?  
B: (weakly with a little dance) ...I can make the bad guys good for a weekend...  
A: What the fuck?  
B: … I just… it’s endearing! (ribs) ‘Cause you try to be so tough...  
A: ….Fuck.  
B: What?  
A: Fuck!  
B: What?  
A: That was a head canon!  
B: ...No.  
A: Yes it was! Emerald green? Taylor Swift? FUCK!  
B: What?  
A: We’re being shipped.  
B: …Fuck.  
A: You want to fuck me right now don’t you?  
B: … Inexplicably.  
A: Yeah, I’m… burning to… press my thumb against your lip…  
B: ...Shit.  
A: No! This is too out of character.  
B: What?  
A: This isn’t how it would work.  
B: All those significant looks? Come on this has been a long time coming…  
A: No! You wouldn’t just admit it like that! You’re 90% baggage.  
B: ...Are you… are you fucking beta-ing me right now?  
A: This would make more sense if you were drunk.  
B: We’re not doing dub-con…. How are we going to get to the smut?  
A: I don’t know.  
B: …You could be going into heat…  
A: NO! FUCK YOU!  
B: Like… it could be-  
A: NO!  
B: Okay  
A: Okay?  
B: Okay.  
A and B: ...  
A: We need a reason to suddenly be fucking.  
B: … We’re gonna need an AU then.  
A: UGH! World building?  
B: You’d be cute as a little barista.  
A: Jesus Christ…  
B: Ohhhhh with your own bakery.  
A: … Who the fuck owns a bakery?  
B: Bakeries exist. People must own them.  
A: It's the 20 something equivalent of wanting to be a princess.  
B: WE COULD BE PRINCESSES!  
A: Goddamn it.  
B: Ooooh, what if we’re soulmates? Aww like if your name was on my wrist.  
A: I thought we were trying to AVOID plot.  
B: You’re the one that didn’t wanna just get to the smut.  
A: Ugh, fine, let's just start mid-fuck.  
B: That doesn’t make any sense! How do you just…

(Boing)  
(both look down at A’s crotch)

B: … (pokes) This is awkward  
A: Have you ever?  
B: No, but I’ve read about it a lot!  
A: Great…  
B: Well how do you want to start?  
A: I want to mark you.  
B: Possessive.  
A: Yeah…  
B: That’s not healthy.  
A: It doesn’t have to be healthy!  
B: Ugh.  
A: Well, what do you want.  
B: (whispers in A’s ear)  
A: Heh. That's not healthy either.  
B: Don’t kink shame me!  
A: You kink shamed me first!  
B: Uuuuhhhh this isn’t working!  
A: No, come on, we can do this.  
B: ...Okay hear me out… what if we try fluff?  
A: Fluff?  
B: Like what if we just cuddle?  
A: Yeah. Okay.

(both sit and awkwardly cuddle)

B: I don’t think this is working.  
A: Yeah, I still wanna fuck...  
B: Lights on or off?  
A: Off

(Blackout)


End file.
